Surviving the dreaded two week wait!

According to the NHS, 1 in 7 couples struggle conceive in the UK, of those 84% of them will get pregnant in the 1st year of trying, but after 3 years only 1 in 4 of those couples will be likely to conceive naturally.

Those couples who decide down the route of fertility treatment will testify to the absolute roller coaster of emotions they experience throughout treatment.  However, all these emotions seem to culminate in the ‘two week wait’ (2ww).  Almost every fertility patient I have ever seen has admitted to this being the most difficult part of the treatment cycle.

By the time a couple comes into the counselling room, they’ve likely experienced so much painful loss.  The loss of their dream to conceive naturally, the loss of control and autonomy, and the pain of being unable to do the one thing that our bodies are designed to do.  Many patients carry so much guilt and shame about their infertility, and for most it is the one thing they have been waiting for their entire life.

Experiences of treatment up to the 2ww

For a woman going through IVF, she would have already had countless doctor appointments, blood tests, scans, self-injected hormones, experienced egg retrieval, and completed the transfer itself.  This is in addition, to the emotional stress or guilt of not being able to get pregnant naturally, and having your life examined under a microscope in terms of how your choices have affected your physical health and fertility.  All of this is usually after months and sometimes years of trying naturally, and for some, after experiencing the devastating effects of pregnancy loss.  Single women pursuing IVF have the same complex feelings, but are also going through it on their own, which can be an isolating experience but also very empowering for many.

The male patients are also emotionally affected by treatment.  Sadly, many men feel like the presence of fertility issues somehow makes them less of a man, although this is clearly not the case.  According to a study by IVI, this type of thinking means that 69% of men are very apprehensive to starting treatment in the 1st place.  Also, if there is a male fertility issues, many men might feel guilty for putting their partner through this treatment.  Unfortunately, many men feel like fertility treatment is female focussed and it leaves them feeling left out of the process.  The negative emotional impact leaves 7 in 10 of men feeling like ending treatment which can lead to conflict within the relationship.

In addition to these same emotional stressors, same sex couples are faced  with other issues as well.  One issue that is repeatedly brought into session, is coming to terms with understanding their situation in a system that is geared towards heterosexual couples, including the semantics and physical process of treatment.  These families, have to consider what sort of treatment to pursue, such as intrauterine insemination (IUI), in-vitro fertilisation (IVF), or shared motherhood, which is when one woman goes through egg stimulations and egg retrieval, it is fertilised with a donor sperm and the embryo is then transferred into their partner.  Male same sex couples must discuss whether to pursue surrogacy, who will father their child, or adoption.  Interestingly, some studies show that same sex couples are less likely to experience marital conflict directly related to fertility treatment because they tend to have a more egalitarian view of relationships and enter the relationship knowing that fertility treatment will be a part of their future in some capacity.

Why is the 2ww so dreaded? 

The two-week wait is the period of time after the embryo transfered and before testing, and as it says on the tin, is roughly 2 weeks.

As you can probably tell, by this point in treatment, individuals and couples have already been through a huge ordeal, and this is the time that many 1st time patients reach out for counselling support.  This is partly because clinic communication slows down, there are no more appointments, and there is nothing left to do but reflect and wait, the perfect storm for high anxiety.  People I see at this time are often stressed, tired, worried, and obsessing over every choice they’ve made the past few months, and every tingle, ache, or pain.

There are many things that can be done during the 2ww to help alleviate the stress of the wait.  It is a good time to come together, as a couple, reflect on the experience and regroup.  For single patients, it is a great time to take a deep breath and process the emotional aspects of treatment.  The truth is, we live in a culture where we do not have to wait for anything! I ordered a book off Amazon yesterday morning, and it was at my door by 5pm! I honestly believe that our busy lifestyles and lack of patience, makes situations like this so much more difficult.

I have put together a list of some of the things that my patients and I have come up with to help make the best of this difficult time.  If you are facing your dreaded 2ww, I sincerely hope these might help you too!

Tips for smashing your 2ww

step away from google

Honestly, do yourself a favour and back up from the keyboard.  Obsessing over other people’s experiences of the 2ww or comparing your symptoms to others is not going to help you., it is just going to make you feel more stressed and anxious.

plan ahead and have something to look forward to 

The great thing about fertility treatment is you will know when the 2ww is coming, and gives you the opportunity to plan ahead.  Find something new to do during this time such as go away for the weekend, take a short course, go out for a meal with friends, binge watch a series, or find a good trilogy of books to read.  Anything to give you something to look forward to, but don’t forget distraction is key here.

self-care

I know this seems silly because people in treatment are generally the most health focussed people on the planet.  However, continuing to focus on basic nutrition, hydration, and exercise during the 2ww is very important.  Not just because you are trying to support a growing embryo, but because it helps you feel more in control and will support your overall emotional wellbeing.

self-help techniques

Utilising things like journaling and counselling can help you keep on top of the emotions you are feeling and keep you grounded.  It is important to know that the thoughts you are feeling are normal and have an important part to play.  So instead of thinking about all the things you could have done differently, you can focus on the fact that you are simply feeling anxiety as a result of a difficult situation, this is just part of the process, no need to beat yourself up.

relaxation techniques

There are so many different healthy techniques available for relaxation that are safe to do during the 2ww.  Meditation, gentle yoga, and mindful walking are fantastic ways to focus on your mental health and keep your anxiety in check.

practice loving kindness

I go back to this time and time again because it is so incredibly important.  Life is tough, but fertility treatment takes the cake on self-induced stress.  You must remember that you are doing everything you can to take care of yourself and to fulfil your dreams of becoming a parent.  The process is going to be filled with highs and lows, but no matter the outcome of the treatment, you are doing what you must do to support your future.

Hopefully, and I sincerely mean this, you will end up with a child at the end of all of this.  However, if you don’t, you are still supporting your future because you are giving yourself the gift of a life free from regrets and will know in your heart that you have done everything in your power to support your dream.

I hope you find this useful and I am wishing you a very successful 2ww!

Jamie xx