Coping with the stress of fertility treatment during Covid19 and lockdown
What in the world is happening and how did we get here?
We are truly living in unique times and never before has the Human Fertilization & Embryology Authority (HFEA) had to take such drastic steps to try and protect patients undergoing fertility treatment. The newest announcement that UK clinics are able to apply to reinstate treatment on the 11 May is a fantastic step in the right direction, unfortunately it will not start overnight, and there is still going to be a long wait for many people as we begin treatment while maintaining the social distancing restrictions still in place. It means treatment will begin, but it will be a slow process of getting through the waiting list.
Infertility is already an incredibly stressful time and this pause in treatment will be a tremendous burden for our patients and families to carry.
You may have been just preparing to start treatment for the 1st time, or might have been preparing for yet another cycle. Perhaps, you had just begun taking your medications and were asked to temporarily stop, you may have been newly pregnant, or you might have, very sadly, just experienced a pregnancy loss. Maybe you are 24 with PCOS, 34 with endometriosis, 39 preparing for your one and only NHS funded cycle, or you you might be 44 and preparing for the self funded cycle you’ve been saving 7 years for. Sadly, these are not hypothetical scenarios, these are a few examples of the session topics from my clinical work over the past several weeks.
No matter what your circumstances, this pause in treatment would have been an enormous blow to your confidence and the hope of creating the family you’ve always wanted. The people I work with dig so deep to muster up the emotional courage it takes to, firstly reach out for help, and then to pursue fertility treatment. Even under ‘normal’ circumstances, treatment is a difficult experience which includes a myriad of emotions, such as failure, loss, grief, hope, excitement, disappointment, financial pressures, and relational pressures as well, in other words, it is an intense experience! The addition of a global pandemic to this mix is a recipe for fear, anger, anxiety and so much worry.
How does fear affect fertility treatment?
Fear grows with each fertility expert or doctor that looks at your body and tells you that she is broken in some way. Each failed diet, lifestyle change, cycle, or even pregnancy increases this sense of failure and worry. In time, the likelihood increases, that you will feel as though you will never be worthy of good things happening, and ultimately, that you will never be as good as anyone else. With each passing month, you feel that dream of being a parent slipping further and further away. Does this sound familiar? These are examples of things I hear this from my clients day in and day out, the ever present sound of failure.
The problem is fear grows more fear, which also creates stress, and the truth is, stress affects our bodies in so many negative ways. So what is the point of eating well, exercising, taking vitamins, and doing all the other things I know you are already doing, if you are constantly flooding yourself with fear, negativity and worry?
The other problem with fear, is that it doesn’t just make you feel bad, it drastically influences your ability to make sound decisions for yourself and for your treatment. In counselling, the thing that comes up the most, is how out of control my patients feel during their treatment, which is being exasperated during this break! Fear has a way of making you more reactive and less proactive, It is another ‘other‘ taking control. Letting fear take over means allowing all of the negative aspects of treatment making your decisions for you, and let’s face it, how is that going to help you get the outcome you desire?
The good news is you can change the trajectory of your fertility journey during this break! It is up to you…
There is one thing that you remain in control of, the one thing nobody (not even Covid19) can touch, do you know what it is yet? Your mindset.
You have the ability to master the fear, negativity and doubt that makes this break, and treatment in general, so much harder. Mastering your fear means that you can stop constantly berating or doubting yourself, and you can begin to make more confident choices. You have the power to utilise this break to take huge positive steps for your future treatment, and to take really good care of your mental health along the way.
Propagating positive seeds of thought is going to give you an unwavering confidence which is the key to maintaining a positive mindset, both during this break and in future treatment.
You can not only ‘get through this’, but you can be really intentional about building resilience, growing in confidence, and creating a sense of peace for yourself during this difficult season. Of course, this does not mean you won’t have bad days. It simply means that you will have the confidence to let those bad days happen, and then bounce back from that dark place stronger than ever.
How can fertility counselling help?
Counselling is a wonderful way to explore those negative feelings and then use them as tools, for unlocking the unlimited potential for growth, that you hold inside. It gives those worries and fears a place to go, outside of your body, and sharing them with a warm, caring and non-judgemental person can help you feel less isolated in those feelings.
‘it is just nice to be able to share these feelings with someone other than my partner, friends and family. My partner is suffering as much as I am, and nobody else really know’s what to say, they haven’t gone through this so how could they?’
– anonymous client feedback (shared with consent)
Together, we can shine a light on your darkest corners so you can see for yourself that you are safe, your are in control, and that you are not broken! I promise this will end, we will not be in the place of rest for long, so let’s use this time to prepare and build for the future to come!
Support is always a phone call away.
Jamie xx
