Let’s talk self-care…

There is always so much talk around self-care, but what does it really mean? and is it really that important?

I am here to tell you that self-care is one of the most valuable things you can learn how to do for yourself and your loved ones!

It is the technique that helps you self-soothe, manages stress, helps you be a better worker, partner, and parent. It helps build confidence and self-esteem, it boosts both physical and emotional health, prevents burnout, increases productiveness, and overall helps you create balance and peace for your life.

Who doesn’t want more control and peace in their lives and if it is so good for us, why is it so hard to put into action?

The truth is self-care is difficult because in order to meet our own needs we have to recognise our imperfections taking note of the areas in our lives we might not be getting quite right.  It means we must own up to the reality that we can’t always do to it all, and that running at a 110 mph all the time isn’t healthy.

Can you imagine…

Imagine your best friend, partner, or child was sat in front of you, sharing that they were tired, stressed and at the edge of their breaking point? Imagine they were crying, panicking, having difficulty getting their words out.  How would you respond? Would you listen gently? Would you do something nice for them? Perhaps, offer to make a cup of tea, run a bath, or simply speak in a soothing and gentle voice, saying not to worry it will all be ok?

Now, picture that last time you were running late for something, or made a mistake at work, or shouted at your child for just being a child, simply because you were feeling stressed? How did you respond to yourself? I would go as far as to assume that your inner dialogue sounded more like, ‘why are you so stupid?’ or ‘why can’t you just get it together and be more organised?’ or ‘what is wrong with you?’

Now, consider the possibility of responding to yourself using the same gentle soothing voice you use with the people that you love.  What if you were to show yourself the same compassion that you freely give to those you love the most?  How would your life improve if you were to something nice for yourself, such as giving yourself the gift of slowing down long enough to have a drink and take a few deep breaths, or to practice saying no when you are already feeling too stretched?

What is self-care?

Self-care isn’t just bubble baths and facials, although taking time for those things can be very beneficial!  Self-care is about listening to your body sensations, tuning into your feelings and giving yourself permission to respond appropriately to your own needs.  It is about taking responsibility for your wellbeing with respect and compassion for the emotional fluctuations that are a natural part of life.  The best gift you can give to yourself, is the understanding that you are doing the very best that you can in whatever situation you are in.  Ultimately it means learning how to quiet that critical voice and stop punishing yourself for having negative feelings or when something goes wrong.

There are so many things you can do for self-care which includes indulging in hobbies, pamper sessions, drinks with mates, sports etc., except all of these things take time, which is something that many of us simply don’t have enough of.  This is why I think it is helpful to think of self-care as a rolling process, a state of mind, when you continuously and consciously remind yourself to tune in regularly, and be flexible enough to allow yourself the space you need when you need it.

In addition to the self-care ideas mentioned above, counselling can be a wonderful opportunity to explore how you’re feeling in greater depth, get to know yourself a little better and understand what the different sensations and feelings mean.  This greater understanding will allow you to value yourself more and in turn you will see that self-care isn’t an act of selfishness or indulgence, but the ultimate act of love for yourself.

If you’d be interested in discussing how counselling can help you then please get in touch, the 1st call is always completely free, and I’d love to chat about how counselling can help you!

Take care,

Jamie xx