Make your online relationship a lasting one!

Online dating is becoming more widely accepted, although many are still very wary about its effectiveness in meeting ‘the one’.   What is so interesting right now is the number of single people that are beginning to use online dating because the lock down restrictions have forced us all indoors!

So, the big question remains, ‘Can a relationship started online really last?’

The truth is there are thousands of couples who have met online and grown to make fantastic strong, loving and long-lasting relationships. Yes, it is a mine field and let’s face it the best advice is to choose your dating app wisely.  Some apps have a reputation for being hook-up apps, if that is what you are looking for in a partner, then please by all means, suit yourself.  However, if you are after a more substantial type of relationship then chose an app that seeks to match people based on fundamental similarities, like hobbies and interests.

So you took the dive and signed up, and met a person that lights you up and makes you excited for the future…. now what? Online relationships are more difficult to maintain in terms of, how much effort it takes to get to know someone and make them feel like a valued part of their life.  This can be difficult for people who are ‘of few words’, the kind of people that are better at showing their affection than vocalising it.  Online relationship will require you to be committed, open minded, understanding, and be willing to think outside the box.

I have put together a few tips that will help you make that new online relationship work!

Communication is key

Communication is an essential element to all relationships but is particularly important to online relationships.  Your new partner will have a life outside of your relationship, it will sometimes require their full attention, so understanding and good communication is going to be key.

it is important to establish a good communication style that is convenient for you both.  Are emails easier? Or WhatsApp? Is it better if you check in at the beginning of the day or at the end? If both people know what to expect, they are going to be less inclined to make it up in their mind, so talk to each other.

Also, when you are talking to each other make sure you give the other person your full attention.  Quality is always better than quantity, so if you only have a limited amount of time to talk then you must make it count!

Honesty is the best policy

Personally, I think trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, without it can you really be at rest? I’m sure that is a personal idea and that others will have their own opinion, but for the purposes of my blog I’m going to go with it!

Honesty provides the building blocks for trusting relationship, so start as you intend to go on.  People lie in the beginning of relationships for so many different reasons, though most are not malicious it is never helpful.  You might be tempted to bend the truth because of a lack of confidence, or perhaps your experience has shown you that some parts of you are not lovable and must be hidden.  The truth is that you are enough, exactly as you are, and there is someone out there that can fall in love with the real you, so stand strong and hold out!

Listen to your instincts

If you have met someone online that you haven’t met in person, it is so important to keep yourself safe.  Don’t let your desire to find the one distract you from seeing the red flags.  These warning signs might be if the other person doesn’t want to trade photos or video chat, or someone asking you for money.  If it feels odd, uncomfortable, or if there is something that simply doesn’t feel quite right, you must listen to your instincts because they do not lie.

Not everyone in the world is truthful and forthcoming, so be aware of the scammers and catfish…. also does anyone really want unsolicited photos?

Mutual effort

Online relationships take a lot of time and effort, you must really be invested in another person to want to subject yourself to this amount of work.  It would be so unfair if one person was putting in more effort than the other and is an indication of what your future together might look like.

It will never hurt to put in a bit more effort such as sending a handwritten card or letter, being on time for each other, or simply paying attention to what the other person is saying.  All of this leads to both people feeling valued, respected, and important to the other, it shows that this is a person you want in your life and that you are willing to go the extra mile.

Talk about the future

This is my last point, but certainly no less important! Obviously talking about the future too soon might be too much for many.  However, it takes so much time and effort to build a relationship online, then you really must know that you both are working towards the same goals.

As a family counsellor, one of the most common things I see in couples that come to me for support. is for having unmatched expectations.  If someone tells you they don’t want children, don’t think that you can love the desire into them.  I’m not saying it can’t happen but I’m saying I’ve seen it have a detrimental effect on otherwise good relationships.

You cannot change another person, only they can do that! So, talk about your vision for your future and be open about your expectations in a partner.  Make sure you are on the same page about the fundamental things that are important to you.  If both people in the relationship are able to do this, to a brutally honest degree, then you will save yourself so much time and future pain!

Jamie x