One thing that occurs in my practice, time and time again, is ‘I need to get over this, other people have it so much worse than me’.  Let’s just stop and think about this; 1st of all, everybody has their issues and we are all unique with our own backgrounds and life experience.  Each experience is going to be built on the foundation of what has come before, so it is really unfair to ourselves to compare our reactions to others.

What does this mean? Give yourself some compassion and try not to be so hard on yourself, it will be easier to focus on the emotions of the experience and figure out exactly what your body is trying to tel you about what is going on in your life for YOU.

What is loss? 

I think it is very easy to associate loss with grief such as the loss of a loved one or a pet.  However, grief shows itself in so much of my general practice such as grieving the loss of a relationship or a job.  It is important to recognise that grief can be caused by any sort of variation in our our patterns of thought, behaviour, status or environment.  Here’s the real kicker, we can even grieve about a situation that wasn’t good for us in the first place or even positive changes in our lives!

So when you are faced with a divorce, redundancy, moving into a new house, children going into school for the first time or moving up, graduation of university, remember that you need some time to adjust! Try and be patient with yourself, we are only human after all.

Why is change difficult? 

Anyone who has been forced to listen to the same song over and over will understand that repetition has an effect on human emotion; the next time you here that same song it is likely to ignite that reaction in you.  Our brains are naturally trained to look for patterns and when they are found we are rewarded with the comforting feeling of familiarity.  This is called the ‘repetition principle’ and is very well understood by advertisers all over the world.

Just think about how hard our brains have to work when we are in a situation that forces us  to think in a way that feels different or unnatural! YIKES!  It is not always going to pleasant, it might make us feel scared, bewildered, or anxious and can ignite that flight or fight response in our bodies.  In other words, facing ANY sort of change in our daily lives can feel really big to us, no matter what that change is, from having to walk into a different house, to walking out of the house without that wedding ring on, or even facing a road closed sign on your drive to work.

The fact is familiarity and change means different things to different people and could even change for the individual from day to day depending on their mood! So go easy on yourself, change is hard, and the smallest change in your life is leading to big changes in the wiring of your brain, so go easy on yourself, what you are feeling is a normal response to discomfort and it is going to be OK.

Where to go from here? 

The good news is we can overcome! It can become easier to cope after any of the changes we have mentioned above and it is OK to give ourselves permission to be changed by our experiences…it is called growth.

A few things to remember when going through a significant period of change in life…

• Take your time – Sounds like a total cliche but time is a healer, so give yourself plenty of time to get used to the changes ahead.  Give yourself time to process and think.
• Be kind to yourself – Know that every person has their own personal rhythm, try not to compare yourself to others and know that you will get there when you are ready.
• Take care of yourself – Take such good care of your human needs get rest, eat good food, excersize and try to give yourself the time that you need to process what is going on for you at the moment.
• Positive self-talk – Talk to yourself the way you would talk to someone that you love and want to protect, try to be respectful to yourself and not use words that demean your own individual process (eg. stupid, disgusting etc.)
• Get it out – Talk to your friends and family if possible, seek out a therapist, or even journal in the privacy of your own space.  The important thing is to not keep your feelings tucked away and unresolved.

The most important thing to remember is that everything you are feeling in your body and mind, at any given time, is useful information.  It is going to help you  know yourself more and it will provide you information that will help  keep you safe, moving forward in the change, and eventually help you settle into this new thing, whatever it may be.