Back to school…during a pandemic?
It is no doubt that this is a very scary time for children and parents alike!
It has been 6 months since the schools were shut and we began the arduous journey of home learning and complete lockdown. It has been a time of concern, anxiety, and the constant battle of trying to balance work and school with the entire family at home. For families of key workers, it was a matter of trying to balance childcare, work, and the continuous concern over transmitting the virus into their homes. For families that already home educated, their lives were turned upside down because the activities that these families depend on for social interaction and learning were shut as well. In other words, there was no family situation that has not been significantly impacted by Covid19.
We find ourselves here, a week before school begins again, and many children are feeling anxious, excited, and apprehensive about what the next few weeks has in store. We have spent the last 6 months telling them that the world outside is not a safe place to be. They have been shut off from friends and family, unable to interact with the world or socialise as they were used to, but now we are saying it is safe for you to go back to school! In addition to the safety concerns, I think children are aware that school is going to be a very different place than it was before, so many new rules and behaviours they have to learn, it’s a confusing and complicated message!
The past week I have been continuously surprised at the intense level of worry that my young clients are experiencing. I have heard about so many different kinds of worries, from GCSE’s and exam stress, seeing their friends for the 1st time, being too far behind to catch up, and the underlying threat of a 2nd wave and health stress. This generation of children is genuinely worried about their futures and are contemplating the reality of life and death, which is a lot for young people to deal with. My young clients have come to me this week with tears, panic attacks, trouble sleeping and eating, all signs of high anxiety, all in some as young as 8 years old!
I decided to write a quick guide about things you can do to help your children adjust during the build-up and then the 1st weeks of back to school. If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to get in touch, I am available to answer any questions or concerns you have, and these calls are completely non obligatory.
Tips for helping your child at home
Listen
This is one of the main reasons why counselling is so effective, people want to be heard! Carve out some time to sit down and speak with your child about their worries, ask them how they are feeling and then be quiet and listen, resist the urge to shush them or fix the situation, just listen. For young children you can sit with them and draw, ask them what their worry looks like, does it have a colour, or a texture? You might be surprised at their responses! After this just comfort them, hug them tight and tell them thank you for sharing. No false promises, no fixing, just listen.
You could also introduce a dual journal, which many children find very useful. It is a journal kept in a safe place where the child can write about their feelings and worries, then you go back to it later and write an encouraging response to their entry. It is a lovely and non-confrontational way to encourage children to talk to you about their feelings, practice self-management, and gives them the autonomy to manage worries at their own pace.
It is all about validating your child’s emotions and fears, normalising these feelings so they don’t have to feels shamed, guilty or broken. In identifying the issues, together you can explore possible solutions or positive alternatives to these feelings.
Routines
I’m not sure about your family but I know our family routine has looked very different over the past 6 months, so now is the perfect time to start introducing the school routine, so that 1st 6:30am wake up is not such a shock to the system! Children and young people need rest to grow and thrive, so make sure you are setting the tone for a good night’s sleep, turn off the screens in plenty of time, dim the lights if possible, read together or do some colouring, gentle and calming activities are key here.
Introducing routines and boundaries isn’t about harsh or dictatorial parenting, it’s about making children feel safe. Boundaries give many children a sense of security gives and control because they don’t have to wonder what is coming next. Talk to them about it, get them involved in coming up with a plan of action for the 1st weeks of school. Children love to be a part of this, you can get our the craft supplies and make a calendar for the wall, allow them to make their own morning routine checklist, they get such great satisfaction from ticking those boxes! Don’t forget to reward and praise!
Breathe
I think teaching children and young people a breathing technique for managing anxiety is a wonderful way to empower them. It is a tool that they can use to manage feelings of stress when you are not around! For young children, I might suggest ‘Butterfly breathing’, or ‘Elephant breathing’, it is simply inhaling through the nose to the count of 4 butterflies or elephants, and exhaling through the mouth to the count of 4 butterflies or elephants.
For older children you can teach them for ‘4, 6 breathing technique’, which is inhaling through the nose to the count of 4 and exhaling to the count of 6.
Simple, easy, and effective.
Model healthy coping strategies
This one is good for the whole family!
We are our children’s 1st teachers, and they learn so much by watching us deal with stressful situations. So, the next time you are feeling particularly stressed try to work it out aloud.
For example, you could say, ‘I’m feelings really stressed right now, my chest is tight and I feel a bit hot, I’m going to go sit down with a glass of water and do some butterfly breathing.’
This not only shows them your process, it highlights the physical sensations of stress so they have an idea of what that would feel like in their own bodies, and then demonstrates the coping strategy that works for you.
Play
The easiest way to connect with your child is to meet them where they are at. Go ahead and get involved in their activities and have some fun! This could be playing a game, making art, baking, preparing food together, doing some sort of pamper session, walking, doing puzzles, or taking on some sort of project together. You will be amazed at how much your child is likely to open up to you when they have your full attention and are concentrating on something that they enjoy. It will encourage an even deeper bond with your child and allows a distraction from the stress and worries of life, and allows the child to feel valued, heard and cared for.
I sincerely hope that these tips will be useful in helping you and your family manage the stress of going back to school this year! If you feel you need additional support I am available for sessions with you, with your child, or with you together! if you just have a question about a technique or need some advice, please get in touch! Together we can make this transition as smooth as possible.
Take good care,
Jamie xx
