The secret to success for working mothers during lock down
Why can’t I do it all? Why is this so hard? Am I failing my children?
To be honest, I don’t know any mother, working or not, who hasn’t questioned herself at some point during the last 3 months. The women I’ve been speaking with are worried that they aren’t doing enough school, or engaging in enough zoom social time, are concerned about being judged by colleagues and agonising over the business they’ve worked so hard to build. For me personally, working in a helping profession, means I worry about the mental health of my clients. I worry about transference because they don’t teach us how to support people who are going through the same crisis as yourself in university.
Let me just say here, I strongly advocate for women taking supreme care of themselves. This means making time for self-care, focusing on good nutrition, getting plenty of exercise, having good routines put in place, and above all being really gentle and compassionate with yourself. This is literally what I do for a living, and to be honest, I’m pretty good at what I do…
So why did I find myself, sat at my desk, crying at 10pm? Why was I still sat there, an hour later, working instead of resting? Why didn’t my ‘good routine’ make space for work to get done earlier? And why do I still feel, even after 12 weeks, that home schooling my children and working full time is completely impossible!
The truth is what we are going through is tough and we have never been through anything like this before. We are working so hard to keep our families functioning well, to keep our businesses afloat, to manage our own mental health and the mental health of our friends and families, we are doing the best we can to get through this well. I suppose sometimes, we just have to put our arms in the air and admit that we don’t always have all the answers, and it is OK.
‘you are enough, repeat after me, I am enough’
The fact that life feels difficult for so many does not mean that anyone is failing, if anything it is evidence that you are trying hard. If you are showing up every day, if your children are fed, clothed and happy (even through the tears), then I’d say this certainly counts as a win!
Think of this like a beautiful 3 course meal. A succulent scallop starter, a cracking beef wellington, and a decadent chocolate fondant for pudding. Separately, this makes an amazing meal, but if you were to take all 3 and shove them on the same plate and serve them cold….well, not so great is it?
Do not doubt that you are the absolute best at what you do! (the starter)
Do not doubt that you are an amazing and loving mother! (the main)
Do not doubt that you are a fantastic, friend, wife, child, partner, sister, and aunt! (the pudding)
When I was at my worst the other night, I called on my best mates, and was given wonderful advice. I’m sharing it with you because it is wise and there is so much truth in it…
‘We were never meant to be doing all of this at the same time, we didn’t build our lives to be run this way, we have been forced into this bubble by circumstances completely out of our control. We can be the most successful at our individual endeavours but at no point did we ever say we would be doing at the same time and in the same room.’
I don’t know who needs to hear this right now, but you are NOT failing. You are amazing, you are bold, you are beautiful, and you are enough. Just as you are.
So, take a deep breath my friends, straighten your crowns, and let’s keep going!
**this blog post is in no way meant to detour or distract from the experience of lock down for any other women. Whether you do not have children, or are maybe finding lock down really easy, I completely respect everyone’s individual experience. This is simply coming from my own personal experience of being a working mother and through the experience of other women I have reached out to who are in a similar position to myself**
Jamie xx
