What is a bad day?

Well, I don’t know about you, but sometimes, especially after a particularly busy period or when I let stress build up, I can get pretty low. For me, low feels like lethargy, a quick temper, and a lot of tears.  My body feels heavy, slow and sometimes it is accompanied by a dull throb in my chest, my head, and if really bad, can be accompanied by palpitations and numb fingers.  It is not nice, for me or anyone close to me!

Now, I’m fairly comfortable with my moods and have enough awareness that it doesn’t tend to last more than a day or two, but when I was younger….it could last months! and let me tell you, it was hell.  I have learned that the worst things I can do when I feel it coming on is bury the feelings and carry on, watch the news or spend too much time on social media.  I am a highly empathetic person and these are a few things that affect me very deeply if I am not in the right head space.

However, even with all the awareness that 7 years of mental health training gives me, last week was tough, really tough.  I ignored the build up and by Friday I was not well, I didn’t want to get out of bed and everything felt like a huge chore, sound familiar? I’m a self-employed working mother, it’s summer, and I got very bad news about a close family friend… a recipe for disaster!

The 1st thing I will say is that talking helps!  If left to me, I’m not sure I would have been able to crawl out of bed and it took some very close friends to get me through.  One to talk me out of bed and the other to give me that motivational pep talk at 2pm when I started to fade again. The other thing that helped me ‘beat the blues‘ was some self care tricks that I hold in my little life arsenal, and I sincerely hope that by sharing these with you, it might help you nip your bad day in the bud before it grows into something more.

Tip #1 – know your triggers!

Get out that paper, pen and spend some time working out the thing or things that send you close to the edge.  Like I said before, the news and social media are bit no no’s when I’m feeling tired or stressed.  Also, I am aware that I don’t do well with conflicting noise.  So big groups of people, where I hear more than one person talking at the same time, or multiple noisy electronic devices in the same room? NO way!

knowing my triggers means that I am able to take steps to make my environment as peaceful as possible.

Tip #2 – don’t be shy to say it out loud!

I have learned that owning my moods goes a long way, so I’m not afraid to tell my family that I am having a bad day.  I always do my best to acknowledge my mood and not take it out on the people I love, but that means being honest and open about what I need.  It might sound like, ‘I’m not having a great day today’ or ‘I don’t have a lot of energy and need a bit of rest’ or ‘the noise is making me feel upset and I am feeling a bit snappy’ or ‘I could really use some quiet today’ or even ‘please try to be kind and thoughtful to me and I will try my hardest not to take it out on you’.

So, call a friend and try and talk it out, if you don’t have a person in your life you can share with, then journal! Whatever you do try to come out of your own head.

Also, I have found that maintenance counselling really helps me keep emotionally balanced.  Yes, the cousnellor see’s a counsellor, once every 4-6 weeks or so, and it is so helpful!

Tip #3 – be kind to yourself!

What does your self talk sound like? Is it, ‘Get it together’ ‘Stop being so pathetic’ ‘Grow up!’ When working with a client who has really negative self talk I encourage them to imagine a person they dearly love sat across from them expressing the same feelings  they are feeling right now.  Then I ask, how would you behave? Would you say ‘I’m sorry you are having a bad day, what do you need?’ ‘Give me a cuddle’ ‘Can I get you a drink?’ ‘Can I run you a bath?’

You are your own most precious treasure, and you must learn to treat yourself like your own best friend! All of the love and compassion you feel for others flows from you to them, so take care of you!

Tip #4 – listen to your body!

If your body is screaming at you to sit down or slow down then I would strongly encourage you to listen! if it helps, think about what needs to be done and break it down into manageable chunks.  Please remember, not everything has to be done in a day, some things can be left until tomorrow.  Do your task and then reward yourself! be sure to stop and listen to your body periodically and ask yourself, ‘do I need a break or can I carry on?’  Maybe you just need to just pause and breath? Maybe it’s a good time to get that cup of tea? or go for a walk and learn to ground yourself in nature?

Tip #5 – (perhaps the most important) forgive yourself!

You are not broken, you are not doing it wrong EVERYONE HAS A BAD DAY.

This might be the most important tip of all, let this be your mantra, ‘It is ok to have a bad day!’ I repeat IT IS OK TO HAVE A BAD DAY! In fact, it is necessary to have bad days, if we felt happy all the time it would loose it’s shine. and low feelings are a necessary part of growth.

 

If your bad day becomes many, please don’t worry, we all have low periods in our lives. Perhaps counselling can help? I see clients face to face, through Skype, and over the phone! so please reach out because you do not have to suffer in silence.

Love and light to you and yours xx