Is it possible to prepare for grief?
The one thing that working in a hospice teaches me, is how to live! I would never have believed this before, but I very much believe that people go to hospices’ to live, not to die. However, the one thing we are all aware of is the ever looming inevitable experience ahead, but rather than sitting there with a huge elephant in the room, we talk about it….a lot.
We don’t always talk about the coming death, we talk about the best ways to spend the last moments with their special loved one, coming to terms with existing relationships and the changing family roles. I’m not sure grief is something we can ever really prepare ourselves for. There are so many emotions involved with the process of saying goodbye to someone we love, it’s such a personal journey and so often we do not react at all like we think we will. However, small things can be done to help prepare for that experience.
What can I do to prepare?
- Don’t wait for the funeral to celebrate your loved ones life! – Tell them you love them now, laugh with them, tell them stories, share memories…share your love with the person while you can.
- Say what you need to say– Remember to always be respectful of the person who is ill but if you feel like you want to say it…then say it! I love you, I’m sorry, I forgive you….all things that are better to say in person.
- Take care of yourself – Eat well, sleep, exercise! It is so important to make sure our bodies are ready for the energy that it takes to feel the emotions associated with loss and grief! It’s exhausting
- Be kind to yourself – You might feel a lot of things, or you might not but the important thing is to be kind to yourself and not compare yourself to your family and friends. We all deal with difficult situations in our own ways, be kind to you.
- Find your support – One of the most important things we can do is identify our support network, know who you can call on. Let people know what’s going on in your life and don’t be afraid to lean on your people! That’s what friends are for. If you are uncomfortable with talking to people you know, find a counsellor! Counselling is an amazing opportunity to explore our feelings with a person who is outside the situation, non-judgemental and who is able to hold you at a time when you really need the extra support.
- TALK – to your family, keep open, honest and respectful dialogue going within your family unit!
Now What?
Just put your best foot forward and know that this was never going to be the easiest part of life. It’s painful and there are so many emotions involved, sadness, guilt, anger, frustration, even relief? 
It is OK to feel however you are feeling, they are your feelings to have and nobody can take that away from you. If someone reacts in a way that is not best for you try to have patience with that person and with yourself. Everybody involved will be feeling the situation in their own way and it might not always exactly what what you need exactly when you need it, but that is OK as well because you already have everything you need with you already!
References
Morrisey, B. (2018). Facing Bereavement. Coping with a loved one’s terminal illness. Retrieved from http://www.facingbereavement.co.uk/coping-with-loved-ones-terminal-illness.html.
Abrahams, S. (2014). A place for mom. Preparing for the loss of a parent. Retrieved from https://www.aplaceformom.com/blog/10-24-14-prepare-for-loss/
Collingwood, J. (2016). Pysch Central. Preparing for grief. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/lib/preparing-for-grief/
