Personal Growth in Transition
One thing that has certainly been a big part of my life lately is transition and personal growth. Adjusting from 6 years of university back into ‘normal’ life has been surprisingly tricky for me. I was 
so comfortable and settled into my chaotic routine that stress felt normal to me! Family life, lectures, job, exams and the dreaded essay’s were constantly turning in my head and I didn’t realise how much space it took until it was gone. Now, after graduation, trying to build a business and settle back into my own skin is difficult as there are lots of questions that I am trying to work out.
Who am I now?
I have identified as a student for so long and that was always my go to answer, what do you do? I study. I have been so changed by my experience of study and personal growth that the same things that delighted me 6 years ago have changed slightly, so now I am asking myself….who am I?
This process of who am I now, sounds very similar to the experiences of so many of my clients, I have been through this big thing, I have been changed, and now I don’t know who I am anymore? It is a scary place to be there is no doubt about that, but there is a choice to be made. Will I let that fear keep me from living my life or will I embrace this as a new adventure? Instead of thinking about this period of our lives as a black hole we can think about it as a blank page to which to start a new chapter of our lives, with all of the knowledge gained by this previous experience.
Who is left?
This is a big one for me, looking around after the dust settles and finding out who made it through with me and who was left behind. It is a sobering thought to think that the people I held in such high regard 6 years ago no longer have front row seats to my life. They have moved and so have I, but do you know what? This is ok too! I am so grateful for the relationships I have had with various people throughout my life and welcome the ways that I have been influenced by each and every one of them, good or bad I have learned from them all. However, I also know that not every relationship is supposed to last forever, we grow we change and we move on. I think back on those people with love in my heart…or not…and accept that those relationships have served their purpose. SO I take a deep breath and let it go. Then I look around at the people that stand beside me now, either old friends that made the journey with me and the new people I have met along the way, and I am grateful.
This is also a familiar part of transition that I see in my client sessions, the changes of life, organic transitions that are a part of any human life. Again, it can be associated with fear, guilt and even shame, but there is always a choice. A choice to live in the past and regret the changes that have taken place or to live in the present and look towards the future.
Where am I going?
For me personally, I have a hard time not planning my future, where am I going, how am I going to get there, what is the best path? Immediately upon graduation I felt ready to put this part of my life behind me and move on to the next thing. Although something inside me kept pulling me backwards and frustrating as it initially was I needed to learn to stop, to breath, and to reflect. 
Really consider and think about where I had been and how I have been impacted by that situation. How do I feel in my own skin now, how has it affected my confidence, self-esteem and relationship with those closest to me? Most importantly for me it has been what can I give back to the people that have supported me throughout it all.
Of course this is different for everyone, not each person will come to the same conclusion I did, but everyone would really benefit from a bit of self-reflection. Take a breath and look around, where am I? How does this feel? How do I feel? What can I do to feed myself.. body, soul and mind? This time of reflection and taking stock with help you realise the changes that have occurred and will really help you utilise your experience in a way that encourages personal growth and maturity. After a time of difficulty this is extra important because it will help us not to fall into the same patterns of behaviours that led us to that difficult place to begin with.
Final thoughts
My experience of transition was both enlightening and difficult although through this I have learned to acc
ept and to let go. I fully accept that every person’s experience of transition is going to be unique to them and to their own life experiences. I know that the process of becoming the person you have almost been meant to be can be painful, complicated and frustratingly slow; but I also know that counselling can help. It is so useful to spend this unique time with another person, an hour devoted only to you, where you can explore these situations or events with a person who is warm, empathetic, unconditionally positive in their regard to you as an autonomous individual and most importantly non-judgemental. I loathe judgement, it is a natural part of the human condition that I try so hard to fight against because I believe first and foremost in your ability to make your own decisions for your life. I understand that some things along the way have conditioned your thinking and interfere with you having an intimate relationship with the truest version of yourself and I have dedicated my career to helping people put those conditions to rest, for good.
